A Family Constellation is a bit like a jigsaw puzzle, providing a window into a particular set of circumstances or life situation.

There are loads of different pieces many of which we don't see (because they're upside-down in the box) and we can't initially see how they all fit together.

But there’s part of us that trusts all the parts do fit together to make a beautiful picture (or life).

At the beginning of a Family Constellation (jigsaw puzzle), we can choose which bit of our life we want to look at and the Facilitator may say “Okay” and set to work to explore that. Or s/he may say “No. Let's start over here, on this bit.”

As the client, you may not of wanted to start or look at what the facilitator suggests, and you don't have to, but if you want to get a glimpse of how things really are, following the Facilitator suggestion is a good idea.

Usually, there's a team of willing helpers – your fellow workshop participants - ready to help work on the jigsaw and the particular bit that’s been chosen to look at. You, as the client, choose someone (a jigsaw piece) to represent one of the individuals or objects in the picture and that person is then invited to respond in any way he or she wishes in relation to the other pieces already on the board. Talking is kept to a minimum and the movement (or not) of the various ‘pieces’ reveals aspects of the scene that may not have been seen before: one piece not ‘fitting’ with another; pieces moving away from each other; or indeed pieces coming together.

A fascinating part of doing jigsaws (family constellations) in this way, is that ‘missing’ pieces, when found and re-included often ‘complete’ the picture in a way that is impossible without that piece.

Of course, we all see things differently. What one person sees will be different from what everyone else in the room sees. The beauty of what ‘jigsaws’ reveal is that there is no judgement; everything is welcome: the picture is the picture! What we make of it is up to us. Family Constellations is not deterministic, or diagnostic, it’s suggestive.

The end result (picture) may be unexpected and possibly even unwanted but what happens, happens, and during the Family Constellation itself – working on the puzzle – no-one has any control over any other. Clients have complete control over themselves, as do the individual pieces, but how the pieces interact in each moment is unknown, until it happens. There must be an infinite number of ways a puzzle (or life) can be completed and in ‘normal’ life the client chooses what goes where and when. In Family Constellations the pieces choose.

Missing pieces, if found and re-included, provide a slightly different perspective, that can complete an otherwise incomplete section of the puzzle (life).

Another interesting aspect of comparing Family Constellations to jigsaw puzzles is that, like a jigsaw puzzle, which can be passed down from one generation to the next, puzzles with missing pieces can still be made whole if missing pieces are found and re-included.

Whether you love or hate jigsaw puzzles, do try Family Constellations if you get the chance. Who knows, you might discover new ways to look at life.

Written by Richard Grey